My Lucy is Home

I'm backdating this to December 16. I've been debating for a really long time if this was something I wanted to share on my blog. I realize this blog is public, but I also know that I don't write this for anything else, I write this for myself. And with that, I decided that this was something I didn't want to forget, even if I am judged for this.


My apartment doesn't allow dogs under the age of 12 months. But I found the perfect dog for us on KSL, except she was only 9 months old. Torey, the lady I babysit for, offered to take her for a few months until she was old enough to come home with us. It ended up working out really well, and Lucy was set to come home on December 16th, her birthday.

A few weeks ago, I realized something. I realized on that exact day, one year ago- I had my abortion. My perfect puppy was born the exact day I had my procedure. It's comforting and upsetting, and I can't get that out of my mind. I've never cried about it, but this entire week I have been on the verge of tears- anything the slightest bit emotional could set me off.

I've never regretted it, I know without a single doubt in my mind that I made the right choice. It's what was best for my situation, and for Shaun's. Shaun didn't believe me at first, he thought I was trying to scam him for money. Ha, what a joke. I think he just didn't want to believe it was real, & neither did I. I never had any symptoms, I kind of found out by surprise. Shaun didn't believe it was real until we were sitting in the abortion clinic getting an ultrasound. The tech asked us if we wanted to see the baby, and I looked at Shaun and could see him begin to tear up. When the nurse handed me the first pill to take, Shaun asked if we could just think about it for a minute. We went into a room alone and he just cried. God, that was hard. In the end, we decided it was the best to go through with it.

Now, I kind of feel like Lucy is the little one I never go to have, and maybe that's crazy. But I don't care. I love her so much (:

<3