What we had was real, wasn't it?

I would love to have one day of peace, one day where you do not cross my mind. But I haven't for almost five years now. What we had was real, wasn't it? It was more real to me than anything else I've ever had. I meant every word I said to you. I did love you. I did want to be with you for as long as you wanted me. I messed up, I know. I guess a part of me kept waiting for you to screw me over, because that's what I was used to. I kept waiting for you to leave, and then you did. And that sucked. I know this is no excuse. After that phone call, I remember sitting on my kitchen floor while the clock tick echoed in my empty chest, trying to breathe, trying to figure out how to go on without you. The edges aren't as raw anymore, but the hole never really did quite close.